This Is Goodbye
by veggie5
Summary: After "Hello, Goodbye", Logan does something that Max never thought was possible. Yes. Another H/G fic in the sea of episode fics. But please r&r!


Disclaimer: Me no own. I'm poor. And I'm in university. Need I say more?  
  
A/N: Okey. I'm a huge m/l shipper. But I couldn't resist. This was the first thought that entered my mind when Max lied to Logan. Anywho. I'm thinking of writing a sequel or something. I'm still not sure. Please review. I'd like to know what you think. And yes, I admit that some authors have already played with this idea so it ain't original.. but the way I put it together is. :)  
  
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Logan just stood there. Still. Numb. He couldn't feel anything, except for the sharp stabbing pain that had forced its way into his heart. It had been hours since Max had dropped the bomb on him. Hours since he realized that it was truly over between them. Hours since he had died. Not physically of course, but he might as well have been dead.  
  
Suddenly a wave of memories flooded him. He remembered the feeling of despair as he was told that the use of his legs was only temporary. That he would be back in the wheelchair in a blink of an eye. He had told Max that he didn't want to live his life like that. She didn't understand, though. It wasn't the fact that he couldn't walk on his own again that had scared him. It was the fact that he wouldn't be whole, wouldn't be good enough for a perfect genetically engineered angel. But as he re-entered his apartment after the Mrs. Moreno incident he was greeted by Max. She started going on about how she was worried and the ambulance. He hadn't realized what his death would do to her. That new bit of information had been a turning point in his life. He wasn't going to sit in self-pity, waiting to drop dead. He would continue to fight. For her. Everything he did was for her. He thought she knew.  
  
He remembered how hard it was to say those three words. Maybe if they were spoken aloud, it would change things. How it would change things, he wasn't sure. But when he saw the look on her face and was greeted by silence, he couldn't take it any longer. He feared if he stood there any longer with his heart out on his sleeve, he would break down in front of her. He didn't want her to see him that weak, so he had walked away. But now, after all they had been through. The whole year wasted dancing around each other, the virus, White, the cult, and every crazy transgenic possible he thought that life had thrown them every curve ball life had to offer. He was wrong, though.  
  
Even in his drunken state, he was still coherent. His plea for Max to not give up on them. His pathetically sounding voice, begging her to tell him he was wrong about her and Alec. His mind was reeling. Trying to figure out when it all started. How could this have happened right under his nose? Wasn't he the all-knowing "Eyes Only"? Hah! He laughed bitterly. Some joke that turned out to be. The great and powerful freedom fighter couldn't even keep his own girlfriend. Another bitter laugh escaped him. Girlfriend! What ever gave him that idea?  
  
Everything he had believed in, lived for, was a lie. The thought that Max had actually felt something for him. That maybe a perfect woman like her could love a cripple like him. All of it, LIES! He felt the need to break something. In his blind rage he hurled his glass at the wall. It shattered and its contents went spilling all over the floor. But it wasn't enough to satisfy his need for destruction. He overturned chairs and tables, flung pillows, smashed picture frames.  
  
He then reached his computer room. Almost automatically, as if on autopilot, he reached towards that drawer he had vowed never to open again. It was still there, just as he had left it. Calling to him. Beckoning him to pick it up and feel it between his fingers. He let his fingers brush over it. He picked it up and daringly, he slid it along his forehead. The cool metal a huge contrast to his flushed skin. This time no, leaky roof was going to stop him. He held the gun to the side of his head and applied pressure to the trigger.  
  
TBC????  
  
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Alright.. I got a major ear full from a friend after she read this… :) And I do apologize for the depressing note. But after tonights eppy… I'm glad to know Logan will always have her back and watch over her… cuz Logan's just cool that way… :) yay… 


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